The Prodigal Relapser: Grasping for the Miracle of Sobriety

. I just left my therapist office and left felling worse off than when I went in. That really never happened before and it is because I had a better idea of how bad things are for me with Steve. Really it is that I am not getting it in the way a healthy person (person who has healthy boundaries) does. Then out of no where Steve calls and tells me he is done and ready to go into detox. I'm excited, but cautious because I just don't believe it, I just have hope for it. I am so glad he called because I did not think he really believes me when I say this is it. In fact my therapist does not believe it either, but that is okay. I know I'm done because I'm just too tired and my feelings are waining. I do not want to live the life I have been living with him another day, I just can't do it and I really like my life when "Drunk Steve" is not around. I arrive to pick him up, but before I leave I make sure we are on the same page. I don't want to leave with

. I’ve been back from my 28 day meditation retreat 10 days and I am overwhelmed with Steve’s drinking. I don’t know how much more I can handle and I feel like I am going to break real soon.  The man I fell in love with I rarely see and I miss him very much. The man I have to spend my time with in the hopes of getting the real sober Steve is slowly breaking me. If Steve does not get sober soon I don’t think I will be able to continue our relationship. Last night I became so disgusted and upset with his drinking that I could not sleep and I became so upset and overwhelmed that drinking started to enter my mind and I kept telling myself that I would not drink, but I can’t take those thoughts lightly. Those kind of thoughts are killers and if left unattended will get the best of me. Steve has a hard time seeing himself with honest eyes. He thinks he is sober when drinking when he really is drunk. I know he feels bad about it and he feels worse about himself when he sees how it affects me