Broken Hearted
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Steve called me today (1-1-11) at 4:30pm drunk. At 1:30pm we were talking on the phone as we had been for several months, but then I heard it the voice of alcohol destruction. I did not want to asking if he'd been drinking because I really did not want to know. So, I listened and listened and had no choice but to ask and question was fear laden with dread. If he was drunk would I be able to stand my ground and end our relationship. I had to know because I was set to move in 7 days and if he was drunk he would get drunk again. To the greatest disappointment he was drunk and to his credit he was honest with me.
I want to be sober and I like my life today. I did not know if I could leave him when I set up my deal breakers with him, but I have and I am proud and surprised at myself. So, I did what I have learned to do. I called my sponsor immediately, she did not answer so I called two other AA members and then answered her call. She asked to meet me and I did at our local meeting. While waiting for her I call my cell phone provider and changed my number and text all my family and friends with my new number just before my sponsor arrived. We spoke about the situation then I went to a meeting for support. I called all my family members and informed them what had occurred and told them I wanted not to know about anything that was going on with him and that they were not obligated to answer his calls.
The next day I went to another meeting and called our couples counselor and my therapist for an emergency session. Both went extremely well and was glad to have confirmation regarding my decisions. We also talked about he pain and disappointment of it all. I will go into detail in a later post. I do not want to get into all the emotions at this time until I am read to do so.
Finally, I had to go and put a restraining order against Steve. I was a very sad moment for me, but he called my brother and left threatening messages. When Steve is sober he could not hurt anyone much less me. Drunk is another matter; Steve is very violent and will put his hands on another person out of frustration or anger. I am frightened of him when he is drunk and I have great anxiety that he may come back to San Antonio and hurt me. Now I have to be very aware of my surroundings and that is not a feeling that I like or ever had to experience. I am so disappointed and very sad that things have gotten to this point. I am going to stay sober and I will not allow another human being to interfere with my life in that manner. Life is precious and I respect it today more than ever.
I am glad I have made the decisions so far. I am sad, but very happy in my life and with the decisions I am making to care for myself. Finally, I love my self more than I love someone else and have put myself first.
Good for me.
Steve called me today (1-1-11) at 4:30pm drunk. At 1:30pm we were talking on the phone as we had been for several months, but then I heard it the voice of alcohol destruction. I did not want to asking if he'd been drinking because I really did not want to know. So, I listened and listened and had no choice but to ask and question was fear laden with dread. If he was drunk would I be able to stand my ground and end our relationship. I had to know because I was set to move in 7 days and if he was drunk he would get drunk again. To the greatest disappointment he was drunk and to his credit he was honest with me.
I want to be sober and I like my life today. I did not know if I could leave him when I set up my deal breakers with him, but I have and I am proud and surprised at myself. So, I did what I have learned to do. I called my sponsor immediately, she did not answer so I called two other AA members and then answered her call. She asked to meet me and I did at our local meeting. While waiting for her I call my cell phone provider and changed my number and text all my family and friends with my new number just before my sponsor arrived. We spoke about the situation then I went to a meeting for support. I called all my family members and informed them what had occurred and told them I wanted not to know about anything that was going on with him and that they were not obligated to answer his calls.
The next day I went to another meeting and called our couples counselor and my therapist for an emergency session. Both went extremely well and was glad to have confirmation regarding my decisions. We also talked about he pain and disappointment of it all. I will go into detail in a later post. I do not want to get into all the emotions at this time until I am read to do so.
Finally, I had to go and put a restraining order against Steve. I was a very sad moment for me, but he called my brother and left threatening messages. When Steve is sober he could not hurt anyone much less me. Drunk is another matter; Steve is very violent and will put his hands on another person out of frustration or anger. I am frightened of him when he is drunk and I have great anxiety that he may come back to San Antonio and hurt me. Now I have to be very aware of my surroundings and that is not a feeling that I like or ever had to experience. I am so disappointed and very sad that things have gotten to this point. I am going to stay sober and I will not allow another human being to interfere with my life in that manner. Life is precious and I respect it today more than ever.
I am glad I have made the decisions so far. I am sad, but very happy in my life and with the decisions I am making to care for myself. Finally, I love my self more than I love someone else and have put myself first.
Good for me.
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