Moving
.
Well it happened today, Steve and my application for an apartment was approved and if all goes as planed I will be moving in January. Over all I am looking forward to it, but a very small part of me way back where it is dark and quiet a bit of fear lays there waiting to rush out and give me an anxiety attack.
The fear I believe is that for the first time I feel so sure that I am not only in love, but that Steve loves me just as much as I love him. A first for me if I look back at my 3 previous relationships which I did with my couples counselor. Also, just the idea of moving in with another human being has its complications within itself and love and a single bed and it's a chemistry lab it can go either way. I have high hopes and really no concerns that we will make it. In fact I am very excited to get this next chapter of my life going, but as two recovering alcoholics it adds a bit of unpradictability to the whole situation.
I feel real good about my decission to go ahead and move in and I do it with a smile on my face as I write this entry. Our last weekend together was the first time I felt really grounded in our relationship where it felt like we were a truly solid couple. The euphoria of newly in love was still ever present, but the pink cloud that accompanies newness.
My favorite thing we did together was go to the furniture store and look at some things that we needed for our new apartment. It felt so natural and with great ease we were able to compromise and what made it special is that the compromises we made were not difficult in fact they came with such ease. We love each other so much that we just want the other to be happy and it translated to deciding on furniture, funny. As our search continued I noticed a pattern of if either one of us liked something and the other did not the item was out. If one of us really liked something and the other paused and said it was okay then we discussed it. We then would put it on our list of maybes, then go back and decide with common ease.
Now, the anticipation of moving is exciting and when we get on the phone and talk, which we do daily and generally for more than an hour and a half, we discuss what it will be like to live together. We talk about our hopes and I share some of my fears to him. He has no trepidations what so ever about moving in together, while neither do I I do have minor fears to deal with and to work out.
What I am absolutely sure about is moving in with him is the next healthy step for me. Beginning a new chapter of my life is the direction I am suppose to take and I am very excited. I am looking forward to see what today, tomorrow and the next years bring for us. I've never been happier in a relationship and we are doing everything we are suppose to make it a successful one.
I have already have a AA contact in Temple and have been suggested by an AA friend on a meeting to attend. I have the name of the meeting and the address so I have a starting point when I move up. I will have to stay very close to AA during our first few years together if not longer. I am aware, acutely aware that relationships are very high on the list on triggers for relapse. AA still is the priority for me because if it is not relapse is highly likely and in essence would end our relationship. So my ass will be sitting in some chair, in a different room, with complete strangers who I can relate to.
Well it happened today, Steve and my application for an apartment was approved and if all goes as planed I will be moving in January. Over all I am looking forward to it, but a very small part of me way back where it is dark and quiet a bit of fear lays there waiting to rush out and give me an anxiety attack.
The fear I believe is that for the first time I feel so sure that I am not only in love, but that Steve loves me just as much as I love him. A first for me if I look back at my 3 previous relationships which I did with my couples counselor. Also, just the idea of moving in with another human being has its complications within itself and love and a single bed and it's a chemistry lab it can go either way. I have high hopes and really no concerns that we will make it. In fact I am very excited to get this next chapter of my life going, but as two recovering alcoholics it adds a bit of unpradictability to the whole situation.
I feel real good about my decission to go ahead and move in and I do it with a smile on my face as I write this entry. Our last weekend together was the first time I felt really grounded in our relationship where it felt like we were a truly solid couple. The euphoria of newly in love was still ever present, but the pink cloud that accompanies newness.
My favorite thing we did together was go to the furniture store and look at some things that we needed for our new apartment. It felt so natural and with great ease we were able to compromise and what made it special is that the compromises we made were not difficult in fact they came with such ease. We love each other so much that we just want the other to be happy and it translated to deciding on furniture, funny. As our search continued I noticed a pattern of if either one of us liked something and the other did not the item was out. If one of us really liked something and the other paused and said it was okay then we discussed it. We then would put it on our list of maybes, then go back and decide with common ease.
Now, the anticipation of moving is exciting and when we get on the phone and talk, which we do daily and generally for more than an hour and a half, we discuss what it will be like to live together. We talk about our hopes and I share some of my fears to him. He has no trepidations what so ever about moving in together, while neither do I I do have minor fears to deal with and to work out.
What I am absolutely sure about is moving in with him is the next healthy step for me. Beginning a new chapter of my life is the direction I am suppose to take and I am very excited. I am looking forward to see what today, tomorrow and the next years bring for us. I've never been happier in a relationship and we are doing everything we are suppose to make it a successful one.
I have already have a AA contact in Temple and have been suggested by an AA friend on a meeting to attend. I have the name of the meeting and the address so I have a starting point when I move up. I will have to stay very close to AA during our first few years together if not longer. I am aware, acutely aware that relationships are very high on the list on triggers for relapse. AA still is the priority for me because if it is not relapse is highly likely and in essence would end our relationship. So my ass will be sitting in some chair, in a different room, with complete strangers who I can relate to.
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