Changing Boundaries
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I have been working with my therapist for almost a year now and we have gotten to know each other very well and have developed a healthy respect for each other. I know deep down inside that he has my best interest at heart, but most importantly he cares for my well being and that is what makes me trust his judgment.
After my overdose we had discussed some boundaries for myself and the one that seemed the most crucial was my relationship with Steve. When I entered the relationship it did become a catalyst to my relapse, but Steve himself was not the absolute for my relapse. From that relapse is what lead to my overdose and eventual two month hospitalization.
When I sat with my therapist we discusses all the above in depth and decided that if I was to stay and continue my relationship with Steve we needed to set some healthy boundaries. The one of the boundaries he suggested was setting a 1 year time frame before we moved in together and at the time I thought that was reasonable. When I sat down with Steve I really thought that was not something I could really do so I suggested to Steve a 3 - 6 month waiting period and as I suspected he was not so thrilled about it, but he hesitantly agreed.
As the weeks passed and our desire to be together grew I began to rethink the idea and started to think about moving in as soon as we were both financially able to do so. I finally brought this up to Steve and he was 100% for it, I barely was able to finish my sentence when he said yes. That pretty much sealed the deal for me and since that moment I had to think how I was to bring this topic up with my therapist. I don't know why, but I was a bit fearful of telling him. It felt like I was going to let him down and disappoint him. I try hard to avoid feelings like that and that why the next couple of sessions I did not bring Steve into the picture. It's odd to feel anxiety or fear of telling your therapist something and mulled over my thoughts and feelings as to why I was hesitant to tell him.
Finally I told my couples counselor about my plans of moving in with Steve and that I had yet to discuss this with my therapist. She gave me some advice and committed myself on telling my therapist everything and just let things take their course. When I arrived and sat down I first discussed that pretty much all of my life seemed to be going well and when I was done I took and internal breath and told my therapist my plans being clear that my decision was concrete and that I was not asking for permission, but I just wanted him to know where I was in my relationship.
As expected he had great concerns regarding my decision to not stick with my original boundary. He waved all the red flags and did not give me the "seal of approval", his exact words. He did ask me why I felt the need to go now. So, I sat there for a few minutes combing over my emotions and trying to get to the root of my desire of moving in with Steve as soon as I could. Finally, I told him that besides it being emotionally painful not being with Steve I did not want to waste another minute away from him.
After the summer and being on life support I really see life differently. I can't really put into words how things are different that would justify what I feel, but I don't want to waste what I have now. All I have is this exact minute and if I can spend it with Steve that is what I want to do. I am a bit afraid of how much time I have left, we all can go at any time and that being the case I do not want to not be with Steve. So I am moving so I can enjoy whatever time we have together, may it be a week or a decade. I just value now more than ever and I want to take full advantage of it with Steve, so I am moving.
I have been working with my therapist for almost a year now and we have gotten to know each other very well and have developed a healthy respect for each other. I know deep down inside that he has my best interest at heart, but most importantly he cares for my well being and that is what makes me trust his judgment.
After my overdose we had discussed some boundaries for myself and the one that seemed the most crucial was my relationship with Steve. When I entered the relationship it did become a catalyst to my relapse, but Steve himself was not the absolute for my relapse. From that relapse is what lead to my overdose and eventual two month hospitalization.
When I sat with my therapist we discusses all the above in depth and decided that if I was to stay and continue my relationship with Steve we needed to set some healthy boundaries. The one of the boundaries he suggested was setting a 1 year time frame before we moved in together and at the time I thought that was reasonable. When I sat down with Steve I really thought that was not something I could really do so I suggested to Steve a 3 - 6 month waiting period and as I suspected he was not so thrilled about it, but he hesitantly agreed.
As the weeks passed and our desire to be together grew I began to rethink the idea and started to think about moving in as soon as we were both financially able to do so. I finally brought this up to Steve and he was 100% for it, I barely was able to finish my sentence when he said yes. That pretty much sealed the deal for me and since that moment I had to think how I was to bring this topic up with my therapist. I don't know why, but I was a bit fearful of telling him. It felt like I was going to let him down and disappoint him. I try hard to avoid feelings like that and that why the next couple of sessions I did not bring Steve into the picture. It's odd to feel anxiety or fear of telling your therapist something and mulled over my thoughts and feelings as to why I was hesitant to tell him.
Finally I told my couples counselor about my plans of moving in with Steve and that I had yet to discuss this with my therapist. She gave me some advice and committed myself on telling my therapist everything and just let things take their course. When I arrived and sat down I first discussed that pretty much all of my life seemed to be going well and when I was done I took and internal breath and told my therapist my plans being clear that my decision was concrete and that I was not asking for permission, but I just wanted him to know where I was in my relationship.
As expected he had great concerns regarding my decision to not stick with my original boundary. He waved all the red flags and did not give me the "seal of approval", his exact words. He did ask me why I felt the need to go now. So, I sat there for a few minutes combing over my emotions and trying to get to the root of my desire of moving in with Steve as soon as I could. Finally, I told him that besides it being emotionally painful not being with Steve I did not want to waste another minute away from him.
After the summer and being on life support I really see life differently. I can't really put into words how things are different that would justify what I feel, but I don't want to waste what I have now. All I have is this exact minute and if I can spend it with Steve that is what I want to do. I am a bit afraid of how much time I have left, we all can go at any time and that being the case I do not want to not be with Steve. So I am moving so I can enjoy whatever time we have together, may it be a week or a decade. I just value now more than ever and I want to take full advantage of it with Steve, so I am moving.
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