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Moving

. Well it happened today, Steve and my application for an apartment was approved and if all goes as planed I will be moving in January. Over all I am looking forward to it, but a very small part of me way back where it is dark and quiet a bit of fear lays there waiting to rush out and give me an anxiety attack. The fear I believe is that for the first time I feel so sure that I am not only in love, but that Steve loves me just as much as I love him. A first for me if I look back at my 3 previous relationships which I did with my couples counselor. Also, just the idea of moving in with another human being has its complications within itself and love and a single bed and it's a chemistry lab it can go either way. I have high hopes and really no concerns that we will make it. In fact I am very excited to get this next chapter of my life going, but as two recovering alcoholics it adds a bit of unpradictability to the whole situation. I feel real good about my decission to go ahead...
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Finding My Spiritual Path

.      Well it has taken 40 years to find my place in spirituality and finally I can say I have found the path that fits my spiritual needs. I was brought up Catholic and thought nothing of it until I started to realize that I liked other boys and that I was going to hell. That I was scum, unwanted, condemned and terrorized by a faith I was to use as a support system to get me through my trials and tribulations. Things got so bad that one afternoon I had decided I would have to end my life, but someone stepped in and helped me see that there were other choices. Ironically that person was a Catholic priest in the military who understood my plight. With his help I was able to finally accept who I was and that I was worth more that what people of faith said I was. For that I am grateful and fortunate to still be here.      For years after I tried to have a better connection with a Catholic God as I was taught, but could never seem to make that de...
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Mario III

. Before the overdose Mario and I really were not speaking at all. In fact things had gotten to a point where I thought I lost our relationship as it had once been. In rehab I tried to reconnect and he seemed willing, but his actions said something completely different. Mario was at the hospital everyday for a week until he had to go back to work and I know that time must have been terrible painful for him not only because we were brothers, but we had worked so hard since his teen years to become friends as well. On two occasions my mother had to call him because the doctors believed I would be gone by days end and so he came. Then the miraculous happened, I fought back and survived when many believed I had really done my self in this time. Mario came to visit me also when I was starting to remember the days pass by. It was nice to have him there and somehow the past was no longer important and it seemed all things had been forgiven, but not forgotten. I was not to really know thi...
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