What to do?

.
I’ve been back from my 28 day meditation retreat 10 days and I am overwhelmed with Steve’s drinking. I don’t know how much more I can handle and I feel like I am going to break real soon. 
The man I fell in love with I rarely see and I miss him very much. The man I have to spend my time with in the hopes of getting the real sober Steve is slowly breaking me. If Steve does not get sober soon I don’t think I will be able to continue our relationship. Last night I became so disgusted and upset with his drinking that I could not sleep and I became so upset and overwhelmed that drinking started to enter my mind and I kept telling myself that I would not drink, but I can’t take those thoughts lightly. Those kind of thoughts are killers and if left unattended will get the best of me.
Steve has a hard time seeing himself with honest eyes. He thinks he is sober when drinking when he really is drunk. I know he feels bad about it and he feels worse about himself when he sees how it affects me, but then the alcoholic in him gets angry and says “I can’t be that bad of a monster” and he is not a monster, but he is not the good guy I fell in love with. We are feeding into our fears. I am reacting badly to his drinking and he is reacting bad to my reaction to his drinking which causes him to drink more which causes me to react more, a catch 22 in the worst way. 
I don’t think he really understand how devastating his drinking is to me and how when he starts drinking I start to worry and start to shut down. His drinking is at its worst from my point of view. He think he is doing better and that in itself is very scary to me. He has a way of seeing things that makes him believe he is doing better when he is actually doing worse. The worse he gets the worse I get and the closer to a drink I get and I can not let that happen. 
If things do not go as planned in the next week and I don’t even know if I can do another week I will have to give him an ultimatum that will probably end our relationship. How miserably sad it will be and all because of alcohol. I never knew how bad it must have been for those who loved me until now and even then I don’t think I really comprehend it that well. 
I know what I need to do, but I don’t know what to do.

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